My Own Customized NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month! The goal is to write every single day in the month of November, and by the time the month ends, you should have 50,000 words, the minimum amount for a piece to be considered a novel. The purpose of the exercise is to write often and without filters. In other words, just get it on the page. In order to hit 50k words by the end of the month, you would have to write 1,667 words every day. That’s a lot of words! Which is why I customized this challenge and gave myself a 600 word a day challenge. In addition, my project will not culminate in one linked story; rather, my goal is to create 30 unique characters or perspectives (basically monologues) because that sounded like more fun to me. It’s also a fun and fresh way for me to document what I’m experiencing on a daily basis without being head-down in my diary.

This was my Day 1 (November 1) entry. Remember, this is a first and ONLY draft, i.e., no editing or re-reading or any revising was done. I wrote this during a job application break.

“The Interview” (613 words)

Here’s the thing about why you have to hire me: I know I don’t look good on paper, I get that, the credentials are lean. But the thing about why you have to hire me is I can fill in all areas that you never thought you’d needed filling in. Does that make sense? I’m a gap filler. Need someone who is going to reliably make coffee when it runs out? That’s me. Need someone who will gladly (and I mean, gladly) carry old computers out to a dumpster? I can do that, too, and with no sweat about it. I will happily tape loose cords down to the floor. I am not above that. And here’s the thing about your company. I feel pretty sure it’s chock-a-block full of young, arrogant employees, there to prove to you how very dedicated they are to the work, how innovative they are, how they’re really going to make something of their time here. How they are going to reinvent the goddamn wheel! That’s not what I aim to do. I aim to look you in the eye and tell you the wheel is already working just great. I am here to make minimal alterations to the wheel. What you will get out of this is a sense that you’re doing it all perfect already, and that things seem to be just a hair tidier around here. That’s what I can offer you. Everybody needs a thing, and my thing is staying out of the way by being in the way. Do you get that? Can you picture it? Let me make myself crystal clear:I will not make waves. I will not question you. But I will refill soap dispensers. I will help you carry coolers at a work picnic. My greatest asset is my ability to do. I’ve been like this my whole life. I can do the things you need help doing, or better yet, the things you simply don’t want to do. Am I a bottomfeeder? I think that language is a little harsh but yeah, maybe I am. But this will always work out in your favor, do you see what I’m saying? There is no way this can go poorly for you.

Now I was asked to leave my previous job, yes, I was removed from the position. There is nothing for you to be worried about, though. That was simply a matter of opinion, it’s subjective, right? I think it is, and I can tell by the way you’re looking at me that you agree. You agree, don’t you? One man’s trash and all that? They felt that I was putting too much of myself into these side tasks, but as far as I’m concerned, why should those be called “side tasks” ? We need these things to smoothly operate day-to-day. You know, a lot of people take it for granted, but I can tell you, people start to get cranky when there’s no fresh coffee brewed. When there’s no paper towels. When there’s a stack of busted keyboards out in plain sight. It’s unprofessional, is what it is! I enforce professionalism, it’s my specialty. So you have to ask yourself, do you want a professional or not? Do you want to work in a professional office or do you want to work in an unprofessional office? Do you want a person who will consistently maintain the stasis you need to get shit done around here? I think the answer is obvious. And the choice is obvious. I’ll be awaiting your call, though I can anticipate now that you won’t need very long to decide.

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